Last night I had the pleasure of participating in a workshop with author and therapist, Molly Carroll. Her book, Cracking Open, A creative journal for self transformation called to me the minute I saw the cover. And then I opened it and wanted to dive into its colorful tapestry of words, wisdom and art.
I was working on the section entitled, be seen when I realized how hard it is for all of me to be seen. I desperately want to look like I have this figured out, this life business. But I am tired. I have a baby who is still not sleeping through the night. And two older kids. Sometimes I feel lonely and isolated. I am sad that my mom is sick. I miss my family. I question my career and what is next. It’s a lot.
As Brene Brown says, we have to go through vulnerability to get to courage. I know she’s right but it can be so freakin hard and I can’t help but want to bypass the vulnerability part. But it doesn’t work that way.
So last night when surrounded by a group of supportive women, I was surprised that being seen for me was not about speaking up and sharing my voice.
Being seen for me last night was about exposing my sadness. It was about being raw and vulnerable and cracked open for all to see. I didn’t even know that I was sad before I got there. But I needed to cry. I needed to be heard and seen and held by those empathetic women who were okay sitting in discomfort without trying to fix it and make it better.
Because we can’t get to better without being in it. And last night it was sadness.
And today it is better. Because I let it out. I am working on some stuff and I know it takes time, most likely a lifetime. But I am trying one page at a time.
This is me this morning trying to erase the bags under my eyes!