"If you fight the pain, if you resist the contractions, you cause even more pain. I told them that labor is like life and life is like labor; sometimes the most painful experiences deliver the best things-new life, unexpected insight, the chance to stretch and grow. This was the greatest lesson I learned in my years of delivering babies: don't strain against the pain; learn its purpose; work with it and the energy of the universe will assist you." - Elizabeth Lesser from Marrow, A Love Story
I wrote this post for the Tampa Bay Mom's Blog because it is hard to be a human being. And after devouring Glennon Doyle Melton's book, Love Warrior, I've been consumed with how we deal with pain (mostly the emotional and mental variety) both at home and as a society.
I am trying (and trust me, trying is the operative word here) to give my children space to feel whatever it is they are feeling and without attaching my judgment or hope to their words. My internal dialogue may look like...why is he crying about this, it is not such a big deal, oh no they all inherited my overly emotional gene. On the outside, however, I am reminding myself to breathe and bring my shoulders away from my ears. I am whispering to myself to just stay open. I am praying to Spirit, to the powers that be, to help me to not mess it all up.
My concern is that if we teach our kids that it is not okay to feel emotions (why are you you so upset about this?) and express themselves, (you're fine, stop crying) I wonder if they will in turn keep things from us. Big things. Like questions they have about drugs and sex as they get older. Or the disappointments and worry they have at any age.
If I can't handle their truth, where will they go with it? What will they do with it? Especially if their truth has pain wrapped up in it. Am I inadvertently teaching them it is better to numb their true emotions then feel and express them in order to make others feel better? In order to keep the peace? In order to spare me dealing with my pain?
I know my kids won't tell me everything as they grow up and if they did well that would be even harder! But when they do, I don't want them dealing with my unresolved pain. So I am trying (once again trying not always succeeding) to take care of my heart and soul and all of my emotional baggage. If we don't deal with it, we pass it on to someone else to deal with.
I now know that pain is a great teacher. And distraction is okay and even necessary from time to time. But in order to grow, heal, and be free from all that binds us, we need to feel that which calls us, even if for a brief, scary and awkward moment.
If you want to read more...http://tampabay.citymomsblog.com/2016/10/11/pain-pain-go-away/