My last post was about surrender. And this one is too. I haven't gotten very far. Or maybe I have. Maybe this is where I need to stay. It is no surprise that the collective psyche is unhinged. There is a lot of uncertainty.
But there always is. Things often don't go the way we think they are going to or should.
I am choosing to believe that I am not meant to know or understand why things happen the way they do. That not knowing is okay and that there is a force, a benevolent one, greater than me out there in the world.
And then I wonder, can I reject things the way they are because it is not what I want and still move toward progress? Or do we need to accept things fully in order to move through, move on, and forgive? Can I feel anger and love at the same time? Hope and anxiety? Acceptance and disbelief?
I am choosing to believe that one of the most courageous things we can do is be brave in the face of anxiety and uncertainty. And just show up as our whole big loving and imperfect messy selves.
No more putting on a "game face." Speaking of game face, yesterday, in fact, my face was adorned in blue marker. Because I allowed my children to draw all over it. That's right. And then I forgot, totally forgot that I had a bridal shower to attend. So I showed up anyway, late and embarrassed with the remnants of a blue F on my forehead and the word Dad smeared on my cheek. But at least I was there. God, help me.
I have realized the last few days that we are all trying to do what we think is best for ourselves, our families, our communities and our country.
And our bests differ.
And that is okay.
I am angry that 43% of the people who could vote in this election didn't. But I am thankful that we live in a country where we can speak up and share our voices and not be jailed or beheaded for doing so.
I feel like I am swimming in one giant paradox pool.
I don't want to be angry. But I am about certain things. Maybe I can use it as fuel and motivation. Because it just seems to me that it is good to feel the anger and then be constructive with it and not stew in it for long. Let it out for Pete's sake. I think that is what has been happening. Like everyone is just throwing up anger all over social media. Sometimes it may feel like it makes things worse. More separate. Less harmonious.
But then again honesty is important.
I don't want to be divisive.
I want to be respectful. And kind.
So I am choosing to believe that fear and anxiety can coexist with love and hope. We gotta keep marching toward the greatest good.
I don't want to take things for granted. I also don't want to make light of the fact that there is suffering. Unfortunately, there always is.
We still need to laugh, however, and tell ridiculous jokes and be silly in the midst of it.
Because I believe lightness holds us. Levity lifts us. It is okay to take a break from being serious. I believe we can do both...be caring and concerned and laugh at the movie "Bad Moms" all at the same time.
Where do we go from here? I think of Martin Luther King. Of Nelson Mandela. Gandhi. Eli Wiesel. Viktor Frankl. Anne Frank. Malala. Madonna Badger. Those on the Standing Rock Reservation fighting for what they believe in.
And all of the people that aren't famous but put their hearts where their mouths are. That do something to bring more love, more understanding and less hate into the world. Despite how very hard this sometimes is.
This is you. You do this. It may be volunteering at your child's school to help a student learn how to read. Maybe it is taking the time to let someone cross the street with kindness in your expression. Maybe it is as simple as forgiving someone when they spaced a date important to you. Oy vey!
But so much that hurts is healed when we reach out and connect with one another. When we dig deep. When we share what we are scared to share, what makes us feel less perfect, and maybe even unlovable.
All I know is my connections with friends and family are keeping me grounded these days. I cannot do it alone.
So is nature because no matter what is going on in our human world, nature is happening all around us. We are part of this. And the surreal, cobalt blue colored skies have been so incredibly beautiful.
And the moon tomorrow is a Supermoon! It is also called the Beaver moon. And well I am excited about this.
Movement...like dance and exercise and singing and sharing our voices - this is life saving.
Last weekend, my family and I painted a fence for a local non profit and it felt so healing to keep my hands and mind busy while doing something nice for someone else. This is essential at the moment. To keep moving in the direction of union and generosity.
So does getting back to the basics and taking really good care of ourselves. And this includes being discerning as to what we want to receive and how we want to contribute.
To feed fear or promote peace.
I am choosing to believe there is so much more good in this world. And so much to be thankful for. And I haven't felt optimistic every moment of every day this week. On the contrary.
But I want to stay hopeful. No need to bypass anything we are feeling. We notice, pay attention, and breathe.