times like these

“Today’s awkward moment is tomorrow’s fantastic story.” – Jenny Lawson from Broken (In the Best Possible Way).

One way to stave off total madness is to get ridiculous because absurd times call for absurdity.

Sometimes we need a break. (Or a lot of them).

Laughing at ourselves certainly helps matters because life is hard and I believe laughter is the best medicine.

I was laughing to myself at the gym yesterday looking like a total loon as I listened to writer, Samantha Irby on Glennon’s podcast answering if she was funny or if she had had a happy childhood. Irby said she was really funny.

She then discussed the pastor at her mom’s funeral who repeatedly referred to her mom by her sister’s name during the service which made them all howl with laughter. Irby leaned over and asked her sister if she was going to climb into the casket with their mom.  

This reminded me of my wedding and our Rabbi who pronounced our last name wrong. After he forgot to show up. That’s right, he forgot that he had a wedding to officiate that evening. He eventually arrived after we reached him on the phone and he took a shower. Then he said Bornstein. We loved him anyway.

It’s good to share embarrassing stories. They are hilarious and well embarrassing. But they keep us connected to our humanity, each other, and remind us that we are not the only ones that are weird and stupid.

If something is keeping you reeling, chances are you will feel better talking about it or writing a blog post about it.

I’ll go first.

I have so many mortifying moments it’s hard to choose but here are some for you to enjoy: There was the time I ordered Reese’s PENIS instead of pieces on my vanilla yogurt. I was in middle school with my girlfriends. The boy serving my yogurt with penis was cute of course and I felt like a complete dork.

Or the time I rambled on leaving what I thought was a hilarious voice message, one that would want to make the unfriendly lady with spiky hair want to be my friend (recovering people pleaser up in here) on a voice mail at a store in town. The next day, I came back and was waiting in line to purchase a vintage t-shirt when the she played my message and talked about how insane it was to another customer! I tried to disguise my voice when it was my turn so she didn’t recognize me. Instead, I sounded like a stunted man child in a witness protection program.

Or when I asked someone when she was due and she wasn’t pregnant. (This has happened to me too and it’s the worst) or the time I tried to pick a bug off a friend when it was a mole.

There was the time when I stepped out of the bathroom stall at the gym and standing right there in a very narrow space akin to an aisle on a plane was a friend of mine and a friend of hers. She introduced me to her. This part gets fuzzy…I may have put my hand out, I can’t recall. But I had literally just gone to the bathroom and hadn’t washed my hands yet. And it may have been a surprise #2. I mean I used toilet paper butt...

Speaking of butts, I loved my waxer in Santa Barbara. I found her name in the phone book. (It’s true, I’m not a spring chicken). She had a handful of hairless dogs that were so ugly they were cute. I would lay on the massage table in a random room with yellow walls in her cute bungalow and one would lay on my chest with his little tuft of hair coming out of the top of his head like a geyser (not a dissimilar style to the woman from the store that I tried to befriend on voicemail) while Susie, the waxer, got to work on my nether region. One of them even won a contest for being ugly. I didn’t do anything embarrassing there that I can remember but bikini waxes are generally embarrassing. Add Chinese Crested dogs to the mix and it’s bizarre too. How bizarre. How bizarre. (My niece and sister have diagnosed me with singing Tourette’s – not sure if this is a real thing, but if it is, I think they are correct).

I’ll stop here because I’m getting embarrassed.

When you are reeling from saying or doing something stupid, remember there is someone out there who has done something far worse. And someone might be me. We’re all awkward. And we’re far more loveable because of it.

* For more absurdity, check out Jenny Lawson and Samantha Irby’s podcasts on We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle. Jenny’s book, Broken will make you laugh so hard you pee so just keep that in mind.