cone of uncertainty
“Grief doesn’t have to be something that just hits you when you’re not ready for it.” Andy Grammer
My son was a tad bit shy when he was 3 and would bark at new people. When I met one mom from school, instead of questioning me, she simply smiled back at us, and barked too. I loved her immediately.
Her oldest child just left for college, and as we chatted, tears fell on our breakfast tacos. A soggy tortilla is still delicious. She’s thrilled for her daughter but also missing her terribly.
As we moved past the disbelief about our kids ages, we discussed how much has changed since we sat together at the park with a bunch of other parents and watched our kids run around with sticks and dirt caked on their white school uniforms.
Last week, I went with another friend to visit an elderly friend of ours who is going through treatment for cancer. It’s been rough. And he is so unbelievably strong. It’s been heartwarming to see friends and strangers alike coming together to chip in and help out. One sweet couple went to his house on their day off and cleaned his kitchen leaving it sparkling. This coming together during a tough time cements my faith in humanity.
When my friend, Sal, sent me pictures of her parents looking healthy and happy while standing in the sunshine on vacation, I was speechless.
Just last Spring, things were so very different for them. Her stepdad had a kidney transplant thanks to one of their heroic neighbors and while it’s been a long road to recovery, the transplant was successful and he’s looking fabulous.
We talked about how great it is when life surprises us with good news. So often I worry that something terrible is going to happen. What a breath of fresh air when it doesn’t. Because something good can happen too.
I asked Josh recently what he thought the opposite of waiting for the other shoe to drop was. He wasn’t sure. Waiting for a rainbow to appear? I don’t know. But what if we did more of that instead? What if we anticipated things working out just as frequently as we anticipated them not working out?
I saw a video recently shared by Rabbi Steve Leder of musician, Andy Grammer, talking about going on the offense with his grief over the loss of his mom. If he sees women his mom’s age eating breakfast at a restaurant, he offers to pay for their meal as a way to honor her memory. One time he went over to a table of ladies and told them that their breakfast was on him. One of the women stood up, hugged him, and said that she had lost her son who would be similarly around his age. The two of them hugged and bawled in the middle of the restaurant.
And last night, while standing outside with neighbors as Idalia inspired an impromptu gathering, a neighbor alerted me to the fact that you can hire a real live professional mermaid to come to your child’s birthday party. The only hitch is that she needs to be carried from her car to the pool.
It was one of those occasions where I couldn’t be anywhere else other than Florida. We’re grateful here in Tampa that the storm wasn’t worse but also feeling sad for friends and fellow Floridians who are dealing with flooded homes.
Not much is certain in this crazy world but one thing is and that is there are a lot of amazing, kind, and helpful people out there and I’m so thankful for them and for all of you.