curiosity over fear
“1% more curious than afraid.” - Elizabeth Gilbert
I’ve written a lot about anxiety on this blog. And in almost every post, I write anxiety sucks, so I’ll keep that out of this one. But if you’d like, you can search anxiety and the various posts will pop up. And here’s another one for you!
We know knowledge is power and the more we understand what is happening when we feel anxious, the more we can do something about it.
On a recent podcast with Mel Robbins and Oprah, Mel said that anxiety is just an alarm system in your body. She explained that anxiety is the body going from a calm resting state into a tense, on edge, fight or flight state. When this happens, we shift gears from one part of the brain (the pre-frontal cortex – responsible for decision making, working memory, controlling impulses) to another part of the brain (the amygdala – where we process fear and emotions). She says the alarm is not the problem, the problem is that we doubt our capacity and capability to deal with it.
The good news is that we can deal with it. Anxiety is manageable. And when it doesn’t feel manageable, it is treatable. We don’t have to suffer.
It’s helpful to remember that fear arises to keep us safe not to be annoying. Fear is good.
When we feel anxious our nervous system is activated causing a cascade of physiological responses to happen in the body. This is how we stay vigilant and alive. The stove is hot, our nerves and brain communicate sending a signal to our hand to move so we don’t get burned.
But when this state of hyper arousal is prolonged - even after the threat of danger is gone – it can lead to a lingering state of anxiety. It can look like ruminating about something from months ago or dreading something happening in the future that may never (probably won’t) actually happen. It can make us replay a scary scene over and over again, feel jumpy or to catastrophize creating worst case scenarios out of thin air.
Unchecked anxiety can lead to depression, insomnia, inflammation, and weaken the body’s immune response which is why stress is a key contributor to the vast majority of illnesses.
If you feel like everyone is talking about anxiety, they are. Because it’s common. It’s also contagious. Just as a positive mood in one person can lift up others, an anxious person can make everyone around them prone to feeling anxious. Why are you freaking out, should I be freaking out?
Because we’re social creatures wired for connection and we’re all interconnected what is happening to the other, is happening to us.
Fortunately, we understand anxiety better than ever and there are many things we can do to help our nervous system stay resilient and recalibrate when anxiety arises.
This is what tames anxiety:
Acceptance is a huge first step in dealing with anxiety. I felt fear in admitting that anxiety was something I struggled with as if saying it out loud made it more real. As if it was weird to feel anxious. But in actuality, acceptance enabled me to find solutions, support, and release any shame around it. Acceptance caused me to seek therapy and ultimately, for me, medication. Acceptance is a beautiful and generous act of self-love.
CREATING: Creativity is life. Write, garden, cook, paint, make…anything, have fun! Martha Beck writes about this in detail in her book, Beyond Anxiety which I highly recommend. When we’re creating, anxiety is quashed. You don’t have to be good at whatever it is either! She describes it like a toggle in our brain, when creating, we’re activating a different part of the brain, and anxiety shuts off.
Gathering glimmers. What makes you feel good, happy, relaxed…these are the opposite of triggers, and they are helpful to notice and appreciate. One of my favorite ways to safeguard against spiraling anxiety is by gathering ideas, photos, things, experiences, that light me up. Instead of spiking adrenaline and blood pressure like triggers do, glimmers are light infused tidbits of goodness that make us feel calm, content, grateful, and awe inspired. What are some of your glimmers?
Speaking kindly to yourself, let your voice be the kindest voice you know. Put your hand on your heart and say, I can do this, I am good. I am safe. I am loved. Please stop beating yourself up, saying you’re stupid or not good enough (even if you feel like this). The more love you show yourself, the better, and the more equipped you are to help and love others!
Take breaks from your phone. Effin phones. I love em and hate em. But I’m trying to put my phone down more and take frequent breaks and not look at it first thing in the morning. We’re setting our day up for feelings of doom and gloom when the first headlines we see are about asteroids potentially falling on our heads when we’re out for a morning stroll.
Speaking of strolls…move! Shake your hands. Dance. Go for a walk. A 10-minute walk outside not listening to anything or looking at the phone, gets you in your body and out of your head. Also, when a decision looms, over thinking doesn’t help, go for a walk and the answer may come! But the big thing here is to move, we must be in the body to move, and when we’re in the body, we stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system which helps bring calm back to the body!
LONG DEEP SLOW EXHALES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. Our beautiful breath signals to the brain that we are safe. This is huge and cannot be emphasized enough. Breathe out longer than you breathe in. That’s it. Do this often. Not just when stressed. Deep breaths always and often. Long exhale out the mouth.
Sigh. Hum. Sing. Chant. This is so calming to the nervous system. If you feel weird, do it in your car.
What makes anxiety worse:
Avoidance – I don’t want to deal with speaking in front of people because I may flounder and look foolish so I’m just not going to do it. Avoidance actually makes everything worse in the long run. It’s like confirmation – yeah, you’re right, I can’t do this which is a lie we tell ourselves. I started speaking more in front of crowds recently, I still get nervous, but I do it anyway because I am capable. We all are. Tell yourself that, I am capable. Or if you are a fan of Glennon Doyle’s (which I am) We can do hard things. We can.
Caffeine, sugar, and alcohol. In the same podcast with Mel Robbins and Oprah, Mel discussed hangovers being our bodies way of processing the sugar from alcohol - this combined with the stress hormone cortisol, which spikes in the morning, makes us feel like crap, increasing anxiety, worrying about what the heck we did and didn’t do, and wanting McDonalds.
Phones. We already know this.
News. Limit it. Turn it off. Headlines are there to get us to click and freak out, so we keep scrolling, consuming. Put that sh*t down. We can be informed and try to make things better for our fellow humans, but we do not need to do this 24/7.
Most of us struggle with some kind of anxiety and it’s not because we are mentally ill or broken. Our world, our society is completely crazy. We evolve to acclimate and adapt to new situations, but our poor nervous systems are trying to constantly adjust to really wacky things like terrible overhead lights that make us look green and long workdays that can impact our sleep.
I’ll probably be writing about anxiety for a long time to come but in the meantime, give yourself a break, sleep, have fun, say no so you can say yes to what and who lights you up. Pay attention to glimmers. Mine right now is my cat on my lap purring and looking like a sleepy little lion. Sending you loads of love and you navigate whatever it is that you are navigating.
References: Beyond Anxiety by Martha Beck and The Oprah Podcast with Mel Robbins, How to Calm Anxiety
*Want to talk and not talk forever about anxiety? I have an online women’s circle this summer starting on June 3rd! Join me! Check out my website for more info or send me a message and I can fill you in. We will be doing lots of practices to cope with anxiety! And community helps quell anxiety too.