notes on being human

You stop going. You stop going and doing and being so busy. 

You simply stop. 

You throw your hands up in the air and say, I surrender. 

You send in the troops. 

You agree to tea, hugs, and prayers.

Or maybe medication, meditation and therapy. 

Escaping, busying, doing isn’t working anymore. 

You keep coming back to the idea that something is missing, something is off. You are lost. It is uncomfortable and it hurts. 

But there is nothing wrong with you.

In fact, this is a sign that there is something very right with you. 

This is feeling.

And feeling is good. 

You are awake. And alive. 

So you climb back into your body vowing never to leave it alone again. 

Like slipping into a sleeping bag, you zip it all the way up to the top and you settle in for a spell.  

And you hear, actually hear yourself and see yourself, maybe for the first time or maybe it feels familiar and nice to be home again. The kettle whistles, the dog barks, and the smell of something baking in the kitchen makes you smile. 

You welcome the space and warmth. And you sense a light, an expansive, unwavering sun in you. Open, soft, grateful and glistening; your soul. 

And you listen to what it has to tell you. 

You say back, oh you sweet, sweet, 17-year-old who lost so much in the span of one year (or you sweet 20-year-old or 3-year-old old or maybe it is right now that needs your love and affection) of course you are hurting, of course you are still hurting and grieving. 

This is hard. 

But I am here for you, I am here now. And I love you. I will never abandon you again. 

Remember, there is nothing wrong with you.

Nothing to fix, address, change or work on. 

You only need to accept yourself. Just as you are right here in this moment. And who you were in that moment and all of those messy moments from before. 

You are a human being and being human is hard work. Things are different now. 

Keep listening and paying attention. 

Quiet the mind. Thoughts are just thoughts. Emotions come and go. 

But your soul knows. 

Love yourself. That’s it. Just love the heck out of your bruised, wounded, scraped up, tenderized, broken, imperfect self. 

And then this love will spread to others like the most beautiful flame. 

It will even be here after you go.

And anyone that makes you feel not worthy, not loveable, let them go and let them get to it. Clearly, they have their own work to do. 

There is no need for shame in your story, in who you are and who you are not, in what you said and did and what you didn’t say or do. 

The shame disappears the minute you speak up and out.  Listen first to how you feel, and then honor it by sharing those feelings with those you trust.  

You deserve to free it and they deserve to hear it.

You are here now. 

And the angels and true friends hear it all. They will pick it up with their willing hands and stunning hearts, and help you heal it and then transform it. 

It will all work out. It already is.