most like myself
During a festive soiree over the holidays, I put on a Christmas tree and candy cane costume and sang with my friends and music teachers, Evan and Scott. These two are awesome and I’m so grateful to my dear friend Tammy for introducing us. And grateful to friends that indulge my absurdity and join in on the fun.
The next day my dreams came true when Evan texted me that I sounded good (enough) and that I should join him at an assisted living facility for a sing-along soon. Upon further reflection, I chuckled thinking to myself that this would be a safe place to sing considering that there’s a high probability that some of the audience members have some level of hearing loss.
I’m thankful that in my burgeoning middle age some of my insecurities and fears rampant in my younger years have been replaced with well why not, I’m not getting any younger!
You know the adage about being the things you love most about the people that are gone? In addition to it, I’ve also been thinking about another way to honor those we love – It’s about being the most you version of you. Does this make sense? I don’t know how to articulate it, and I could ask chat GBT, but I don’t want to. What I’m trying to say is that when I do something I love like singing for example, my little Lindsay self is ecstatic. And in turn, I believe it makes my dad wherever his kind soul may be, beam with happiness too. Joy is contagious.
And you don’t need me to tell you that the world feels like it’s on fire these days. A lot of heartbreak and suffering and how the heck do we keep going? Where does doing what we love, belong in our days?
I believe, in addition to fighting for what’s good, kind, and right, doing and being what we love and what brings us joy is what builds a reserve so that we can survive the heartbreak with our souls intact and be able to serve others in the process.
I also know that when we’re trying, we’re going to make mistakes and we’re going to mess up. And that is also the point because we’re not perfect, we’re human. Take for instance, last night, when I told a friend after her long workday to meet at the wrong restaurant for a birthday celebration. Here I am trying to do something nice and oops, there I go again, mixing up restaurant names. Usually, it’s with numbers. This, I like to blame on perimenopause, ADHD or the fact that I’ve got dyscalculia. Fortunately, my friend laughed about it, and texted me this morning saying that it added to the mystery of the evening, would she show up or not? Clearly, this friend is a keeper!
It also got me thinking about a recent interview I saw with Kate Bowler and Suleika Jaouad where Suleika talked about the dress code for the New Year’s Eve party she hosted. She told guests to wear something from their closet that they never get a chance to wear. One guest showed up in a wet suit. I think that was a rather brave choice, also maybe a bit uncomfortable. But I love this idea and it’s inspiring me to wear a bit more from the depths of my closet like an obnoxiously bold floral jacket I wore to lunch the other day. I mean why not? When Suleika was talking about the dress code, she said, “I’ve never felt more like myself that night.”
This is how I felt donning a Christmas tree costume singing to my heart’s content.
So if you see me out and about in my grandmother’s fur stole, don’t be shocked, well do, because I’d really rather go naked than wear fur.
Lastly, if we have plans to meet somewhere, please confirm the day, time, and location. Repeatedly.
When do you feel most like yourself? Along with my word of the year which is ease, I’m resolving in 2026 to simply do what makes me feel alive, happy, free, and most like me. Wanna join me?