“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand - and melting like a snowflake.” Francis Bacon, SR.
Last week in a women’s circle, we spoke about The Five Invitations, a book by Zen teacher and co-founder of the Zen Hospice Project, Frank Ostaseski. The Five Invitations is a practice that invites us to slow down and contemplate our mortality with curiosity and openness.
I realize this may not sound like a fun thing to think about at the beginning of your weekend but it’s more about living with meaning and heart while we’re here. It’s about choosing to live with intention and joy.
Questions such as how can we be present, engaged, and accept where we are right now in the middle of the mess and glory? And what can we do to honor both the preciousness and fleeting nature of life?
The fourth invitation is about resting in the midst of it all. It’s not suggesting we rest when we die and it’s not about resting when we’ve finished all of our errands, figured it all out, and checked everything off of our to do list.
It’s about resting now.
And rest doesn’t have to mean taking a nap, although it can. Sometimes it may mean simply taking a break, going for a walk, taking a few deep breaths to center or ground ourselves or not doing anything at all.
A friend whose husband has been in and out of the hospital this past year and a half shared with us that she so often feels as if she’s in survival mode that she can’t possibly take time off to rest and recharge. What often happens, she told us, is that when things are better, she’s so exhausted that she misses half of it. She’s realized that she needs to make time to rest even when she doesn’t have time, maybe especially when she doesn’t have time. That way when things are going well, she can be there and actually enjoy their time together.
How often does this happen? We get sick when vacation starts because we’ve been running ourselves ragged preparing for it.
Her wise words struck such a chord with the group and inspired me last Thursday as I was doing ten things at once, packing to go away for the weekend, and getting work done on the computer but slogging through all of it because I had no energy.
Instead of pushing through, I listened to my body, and I laid down and closed my eyes. Truthfully, I had a moment of guilt before I fell asleep. It whispered in a snarky - must be nice - manner kind of like Kristin Wiig in the airplane scene in Bridesmaids, “Oh Helen knows the owner.”
When I got up, I felt more energized and proceeded to make butternut squash soup for dinner and pumpkin bread to bring to my son, neither of which would have been possible if I hadn’t taken a beat to chill out. I ain’t no Martha Stewart mkay? But it does feel good to cook for my family (on occasion).
The other invitations, in addition to finding a place to rest in the middle of things, are: 1). Don’t wait. 2). Welcome everything, push away nothing. 3). Bring your whole self to the experience and lastly, 5). Cultivate don’t know mind. (It’s okay not to know, to not have an answer, the beginners mind is open to possibilities and curious while the expert’s mind is often closed off and more stubborn. It can be empowering to say I don’t know what I’m doing for the holidays, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, etc.
We have a choice in the matter and that is a gift!