deep rest

And the very highest states-of awe and joy, wonder and love, meaning and creativity - emerge from this bittersweet nature of reality. We experience them not because life is perfect-but because it’s not.” - Susan Cain from the book, Bittersweet, How Sorrow and Longing Make us Whole.

Sometimes, I think about my obituary.

Who will write it, what will it say? 

How do I want to be remembered? 

For the things I did? For what I accomplished? 

For how I made others feel? 

Does anyone else do this? Or am I weird? That’s a rhetorical question. I’m scared of your answer. 

I’m weird, yes but also heart-achingly grateful to be alive. Especially, when I get to be outside and witness spring springing or be with my kids when they are being nice to me or laugh with my husband or see my siblings or have meaningful conversations with friends. 

Even in this swirling mad world we live in where books are being banned.

My heart aches for our environment, our animals, and fellow humans who aren’t accepted, loved, and supported for who they are, how they feel, and who they love. 

Life is hard because it just is. Not because you are being punished or you did something wrong or there is something wrong with you. It’s challenging a lot of the time and sometimes it isn’t but in addition to terrible things going on, there is so much beauty and kindness and remarkable souls here on Earth. Look no further than author, Suleika Jaouad and her husband, musician, Jon Batiste to restore your faith in how beautiful and inspiring humanity can be. 

Life is busy too which can be really annoying especially when busyness gets in the way of having a margarita with a friend and going to the museum you’ve been trying to get to for the past month. 

As a parent right now, this is the messaging I’m hearing:

Attend the meetings and evening events to support the school and the community but also make sure to have dinner every night together with the family because it’s good for resilience, and the mental and emotional health of our kids but make sure they are active too which will probably coincide with dinnertime so they don’t get in trouble and they aren’t on devices too much of the time which are evil because we all know social media is a lot of bull crap that makes us compare our curated images to other’s curated images but speaking of images, don’t we all want to hear, “Omg Sheila, you look exactly the same! Or “you haven’t changed since high school.” Or wait a minute, “Tom are you Benjamin Button or what?” Attend the games, plays, recitals, maybe even practices but also spend the day meditating, exercising, and don’t forget meal prep, guys! Make sure homework is done but let them be independent - it’s how to raise an adult after all! And brush your dog’s teeth, it’s good for their cardiac health. 

Most likely, we could all benefit from some deep rest which as my friend, Drisana posted yesterday, is productive.  And not the kind of rest that occurs while watching the Kardashians which is fine and everything but the kind where we say no to soul sucking activities, where we switch everything to off mode or airplane mood as my son used to say. We need the kind of deep peace that seeps into the marrow of our being and feels like freedom and space after slipping into a great mid-day nap. 

My mom would be 82 today. For the rest of my life, I will be aware of how old she would be if she were still alive and then I will say until maybe she is in her late 90’s that she could still feasibly be alive today. I miss her every day.

The older I get, the more I want to love people even though we are all crazy and so many are annoying. I feel for us humans, it’s really something here on this planet. And as my dear Sal wrote to me yesterday, “It’s inconceivable that we are human machines with parts that wear down.”

I probably won’t get as much done as I want to in this lifetime because I’m pretty sure I have ADHD and well that makes it hard to complete tasks. But I will try my best to prioritize what matters the most to me. Like listening to Izzy sing songs to the trees and flowers in the backyard. Last week, the song went, “If you die before you’re done growing, it’s okay, remember who took care of you.” Gulp.

Let’s lower the bar and our expectations. No is my new mantra for the time being because I need naps. Rest is sacred. We have to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others.

The weather has been beautiful out, cool in the mornings with Jasmine blooming in bunches on sidewalks, sides of houses, and mailboxes. The fragrance is intoxicating and I want to soak it all up.

I also hope that Will and Izzy will always go on walks together even if it’s because Will won’t pick up the dog poop but Izzy will. 

Today, I strive to do less so I can be more. 

 

 

 

 

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