the best 4 letter word next to the two other best 4 letter words: rest
image on unsplash by Annie Spratt
“Burnout comes when you spend too long ignoring your own needs. It is an incremental sickening that builds from exhaustion upon exhaustion, overwhelm upon overwhelm.” - Katherine May
I feel bad about my knee (not my neck)..
When feeling discomfort or pain, if I can remember, I ask myself, what is my pain asking of me?
I asked this of my knee today when it started feeling achy. Due to my recent injury, my pain level – originally close to a 10 - has now thankfully diminished to a 0. Pain scales – however necessary - feel arbitrary.
At the clinic on the base of the mountain, they repeatedly asked what my pain level was. When I said 8, the ski patrol guy made an expression that seemingly said, “Yikes” preceded by, “Your pain level suggests more than a tweak in your knee.” Hoping if I changed the number, I might magically change the outcome. I said, “I mean a 6.” Then, I begged for drugs which I wouldn’t get until after seeing the doctor.
Today, my pain told me it simply wanted presence. It asked only that I be there.
At physical therapy on Monday, as the therapist pushed on my knee trying to get it to straighten, she said she hoped my leg would be further along on the road to recovery by now. Not exactly the words of encouragement I was hoping to hear. I kept at the exercises feeling my quad muscle tighten and resist. She told me it’s called muscle guarding when this occurs and it happens when the muscles around an injured area tense up as a way to protect the injury from getting worse.
I thought to myself that our hearts must do the same thing when our feelings are hurt. Our muscles tighten and constrict. Think of how the jaw, head, hips, and chest feel when we’re stressed out. We get headaches or grind our teeth when we’re asleep. The antidote to the tightening is consciously softening, tending to, nurturing, and relaxing. It’s not easy to do especially because we have been taught to bypass our internal wisdom in favor of pushing though and never letting up.
But who does this serve? Most likely, not you. It’s imperative on occasion that we stop, pause, or sometimes, quit. It’s not a character flaw. It’s survival.
There have been times with my current knee situation when I have felt very afraid. A friend who is also a somatic therapist asked me recently, “When during this ordeal, did you first know you were safe in your body?” Right after it happened, as I sat shaking, someone put their gloved hand on my shoulder. I was immediately drawn back into my body and able to take a deep, whole-body breath. This calmed my nervous system right on down making me feel less alone and less scared.
Pain is an indicator to back off, slow down, proceed with caution or stop all together and rest. In our fast-paced, productivity obsessed culture, rest is rebellious. And can even feel like we’re doing something wrong.
I experienced an unsettling example of this this past week when my daughter needed an afternoon to chill out and nurse a sore throat instead of attending her regularly scheduled afternoon activity. I received a text…Where is she? She can’t miss this week! And then, later on the phone, why didn’t I let them know sooner?
Well, oops, I forgot to let them know sooner because sometimes maybe a lot of times, I get confused about these things - is it my responsibility or my daughter’s to let them know. Heck if I know!
But I was shocked that the response wasn’t one of well wishes or relief that she was taking care of herself.
What are we doing but contributing to the overwhelm and anxiety of our kids and ourselves when we punish them for taking time to rest, restore, and heal?
Prioritizing and normalizing taking care of ourselves by resting and relaxing is true self-care. Ignoring the signals that our bodies give us when we are in distress can lead to a lot more trouble later on. Unfortunately, this can lead to disappointment in others.
Rest is essential.
When it gets noisy and confusing, I tune out and tune in. I don’t abandon the signals my insides give me. Trust yourself. You know what’s best. If you need a break, take one. Take lots. Take a nap. Say no. This is how we avoid burnout. This is how we recover. This is how we heal.